


I’ve Got You

by Camerahead12



Series: Angstober2020 [21]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character Death Outside of Castiel or Dean Winchester, Destiel Promptober 2020 (Supernatural), Grief/Mourning, Grieving Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camerahead12/pseuds/Camerahead12
Summary: Day Twenty-One; Sharing A Blanket
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Angstober2020 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950358
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33
Collections: Destiel Promptober 2020





	I’ve Got You

**Author's Note:**

> Today I have felt my person’s presence around me so heavily. I needed her so much today, and I think she knew that. 
> 
> Not a day goes by that the grief of her being gone doesn’t hurt. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.
> 
> I miss you.   
> I love you.  
> -Till then

There were memories…These series of thoughts that when piled up Dean can’t figure out why he ever thought their lives were so bad.

Sure, growing up hadn’t been a picnic. There were always things he wished he hadn’t done, or maybe did differently, but at the end of the day it is what it is. Not only had he been a brother to Sammy, but also a mother and a father. Never, not for one second, has he ever regretted anything he’s ever done for his brother. Everything, every damn breath in his body since the day his father put Sammy in his arms and told him to get out of the house burning down around, has been for him.

Until now.

Searching through an ocean of memories that’s coming at him too fast it feels like he’s downing, Dean tries to figure out what he did wrong. There must have been some misplaced step, some wrong word utter, something he should have done better.

The Bunker’s walls feel suffocating. Rooms upon rooms that hold their own whispers of memories. _Everything_ is ghost of something stupid his brother said, or stilled moments where nothing significant happened at all; yet those were the ones that seemed to mean the most, now.

Dean stumbles through the hallways and doors of the Bunker, trying to avoid seeing the memories take form as he passes the rooms. His hands are shaking making it almost impossible to grip the back exit door handle. He lets out a frustrated sound that echoes back to him in the empty place that he once called home. Tears start to burn, blurring his vision as he finally manages to grasp the handle, turning the handle and half falling out the door.

He manages to stumble a few steps before falling to his knees on the cold, muddy ground. A wet snow falls around him, but he barely feels the cold hit him. Grief weighs so heavily on his chest that it hurts to breathe. His breath comes out a mixture of gasps and sobs as he clutches at his chest, bending forward into himself, trying to will the pain to stop. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much he feels like he’s dying.

He flinches as something soft touches his shoulder, unable to even will enough energy to lift his head. Dean hears a rustling of feathers and the touch is gone. Dean lets out a wet sob when he realizes Castiel was here and just left him. As much as he wants to be alone, knowing Castiel was here and just left him hurts more. The one person who might understand what he’s feeling without having to use any damn words, and he fucking left him. Just like Sam.

More sobs rack Dean’s body he lets pained noises out. He just wants the pain to stop. He just wants to stop hurting. He just wants –

The sound of rustling feathers beside him interrupts his thoughts. Something soft and warm drapes around him, and Dean struggles to lift his head from his knees. Castiel kneels in front of him, his eyes soft and sad. Dean feels his lower lip tremble before his composure breaks and he flings himself forward into Castiel.

Castiel’s arms wrap around him tightly, pulling him forward as Dean sobs into his angel’s neck.

“He’s gone!” Dean cries, clinging to Cas’ trench coat like a lifeline. “He – he –”

“Shh,” he whispers, carding his fingers through Dean’s hair. “I know.”

Dean shakes his head, burying it deeper into Castiel’s neck as another sob trembles through his body. Castiel’s fingers disappear for a moment and the soft warmth Castiel draped over him envelops him completely. The fingers go back to running through his hair as he loses himself over again to the loss.

They stay like that for long enough that the blanket around him grows damp and cold with the wet weight of the wet snow. Castiel holds him, whispering words in his enochian he doesn’t understand but they comfort him nonetheless. When he finally manages to lift his head off the crook of his neck long enough to try and apologize for losing it, the catch in his throat as he sees silent tears falling from his angels eyes. Castiel cups his cheek so gently Dean feels like he might break over again.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Cas whispers wiping his thumb over Dean’s damp cheek. “Please, just let me be here for you.”

Dean’s chin trembles as fresh hot tears blink from his eyes. He had no idea how much he needed to hear those words, but relief fills him as some of the weight on his chest lifts. Nodding his head, he leans into Castiel’s warm hands.

A shiver catches him off guard, and for the first time the cold and his wet, muddy clothes begin to feel uncomfortable. Castiel gives him a soft look before helping him to his feet. The blanket Castiel had wrapped around him begins to fall, but Cas grabs it before it hits the snow, pulling it around them both as he half carries, half leads them back to the back door of Bunker.

Walking back into the Bunker doesn’t seem to suffocating. Castiel tightens his arm around him enough that keeps him focused on making it through the hallways to his room.

Dean doesn’t fight Castiel when he starts undressing him. The numbness is starting to set in and caring about something like nudity doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore. Castiel pulls out his flannel pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt, slipping them on him easily. He leads Dean to bed, and pulls the covers around him, running his hand through his hair one last time before straightening.

“Rest now,” he says stepping back towards the door. “Just call if you need anything. I’ll be across the hall.”

Dean pulls his arm out of the blankets and grabs the lapels of his trench coat. “Wait.” He looks down, suddenly embarrassed by the weakness of his grief. “Please just…stay with me tonight?”

There isn’t any hesitation in Castiel’s decision. He slips his coat off and lifts the covers on the empty side, gently laying beside Dean. Dean wonders for a moment if his angel is reading his mind, because he leans back against the headboard lifting up the blankets in an silent invitation for Dean to move closer to him. He doesn’t think, he just lets the numb roll over his mind, and presses himself up against Castiel, resting his head on his warm chest. His strong, warm fingers start combing through his hair as Dean blinks out silent tears.

As exhausted as he is, Dean doesn’t know if sleep will claim him. Castiel’s presence is enough, though. He wraps his arm around him, pressing his face closer into him as Castiel pauses his fingers for only a moment to adjust the blankets over them before starting again. Dean lets out a shaky sigh, letting the tears flow freely.

**Author's Note:**

> I love you all! You guys keep me going. Seriously. I feel more love from you all and motivation to keep going every day. Thank you so much!!
> 
> Come scream at me in the comments! Kudos make me feel all tingly inside. ~_^


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